I now have two little kids that call me mama and it is still so humbling. At this stage in their lives I am their "everything" quite literally. It's exhausting for sure, but oh so rewarding. This picture is one that Summer took using my iPhone recently of me holding Forrest one morning while getting ready for school. My Forrest was having a rough morning for whatever reason and I just picked him up and held him tight. I rocked him side to side the same way I've done ever since he was a baby. He calmed right down. I have done this with both my kids. It's these moments that are almost never captured that to me, define motherhood. I want so desperately for my children to know how deeply I love them. I want them to know that even though I'm not perfect, and even though I have lots of days that I fall short, I really am trying my very best. They're so little right now and I can't believe that a lot of what I do with them they will never remember.
I want them to remember how I hold their hand and squeeze it really tightly. I've told them that three squeezes means, "I love you". Now all I do is put my hand out and give them three squeezes and they say, "I love you too mama". It's so cute. I want Summer to remember that I love lying in her bed every single night before she goes to sleep and massaging her back. Actually, I don't like the massaging part but I do it because that's when she opens up the most to me about things in her life and her feelings. I want Forrest to know that I think it's so cute how he likes to show me how tall he is getting and that he can "get a glass from the cupboard without tippy toes" and that I love it when he crawls on to me like a little cat to watch his cartoons. I love how I brush the snarls out of Summer's hair she hugs me tight around my waist so that it won't hurt so bad. I hope they know how much I love how their faces light up every single day when they see me in the pick up line for school or walking into the school. I love that when they lay just 2 inches away from me, I always say, "you're too far away" and make them scoot closer. They always roll their eyes but do it anyway. I love that they think I'm an amazing cook even though I'm not. I want them to know when they help me cook and clean it takes 5 times as long and usually ends up worse than when we started, but I do it because I love to see how sweet their little proud faces are when we're done. I love the little notes Summer leaves me around the house and the pictures Forrest draws of me in school. I love that whenever they do something they think is great, they can't wait to show me and I always try my best to make it a big deal. I love sneaking into their beds at night to give them kisses while they sleep. I love all of these little things and I feel panicked as to how fast they are growing up. As a mother, I've come a long way from those days when Summer was an infant and I can honestly say that I do "like this" thing called motherhood. Actually, I love it and that's the truth. More than anything, I just hope that my kids know that their mom loves them. I am constantly telling them but I hope most, is that my actions are letting them FEEL how much those words that I whisper in their ears, are true. I really, really loved, love and will continue to love them... forever.