Motherhood

I know this is going to be a novel here but on Mother's Day, I kept thinking about how far I've come in the last (almost) 8 years as a mom. I'm just at the very beginning of this journey but still can't believe how much I've learned so far. When I was little, I dreamed of someday being a mom. I know I've written this before but it's true... that was what I would dream about. I didn't get pregnant with my sweet Summer until I was 28. So by the time I had her, I was really ready and really excited. And let me just say, it was waaaaaaay harder than I ever anticipated. It was extremely difficult to breastfeed. For weeks I wondered why in the world mothers talked about how "wonderful" it was to breastfeed their infants. I was losing my mind and in extreme pain. I screamed for 6 weeks, all day, each time Summer latched on. I am not exaggerating. Right up until having her I just finished my Masters degree and working full time. I went straight from all that craziness into being home all day, alone with a baby. When David would come home from work I would be crying and I would just hand her to him. All I can remember him saying was, "I thought you were going to like this". Time passed and it got much easier to breastfeed Summer and ended up being a very wonderful experience from 3 months on. Turned out that I had an infection that was left untreated after the delivery. But that's not the point here. It was what David said to me that one night that I have never forgotten - "I thought you were going to like this...". There are lots of parts of motherhood that just aren't fun. What is amazing though about this job is that even on my worst days when it's so hard and I don't "like" it, I still have a sense of the magnitude of what I am doing. I have been entrusted with these little kids. That responsibility weighs heavy on me but at the same time gives me purpose and meaning even beyond the most seemingly menial parts of my day. There is a sense of fulfillment in being a mom for me and in trying my very best to be a good mother to my kids.

I now have two little kids that call me mama and it is still so humbling. At this stage in their lives I am their "everything" quite literally. It's exhausting for sure, but oh so rewarding. This picture is one that Summer took using my iPhone recently of me holding Forrest one morning while getting ready for school. My Forrest was having a rough morning for whatever reason and I just picked him up and held him tight. I rocked him side to side the same way I've done ever since he was a baby. He calmed right down. I have done this with both my kids. It's these moments that are almost never captured that to me, define motherhood. I want so desperately for my children to know how deeply I love them. I want them to know that even though I'm not perfect, and even though I have lots of days that I fall short, I really am trying my very best. They're so little right now and I can't believe that a lot of what I do with them they will never remember.

I want them to remember how I hold their hand and squeeze it really tightly. I've told them that three squeezes means, "I love you". Now all I do is put my hand out and give them three squeezes and they say, "I love you too mama". It's so cute. I want Summer to remember that I love lying in her bed every single night before she goes to sleep and massaging her back. Actually, I don't like the massaging part but I do it because that's when she opens up the most to me about things in her life and her feelings. I want Forrest to know that I think it's so cute how he likes to show me how tall he is getting and that he can "get a glass from the cupboard without tippy toes" and that I love it when he crawls on to me like a little cat to watch his cartoons. I love how I brush the snarls out of Summer's hair she hugs me tight around my waist so that it won't hurt so bad. I hope they know how much I love how their faces light up every single day when they see me in the pick up line for school or walking into the school. I love that when they lay just 2 inches away from me, I always say, "you're too far away" and make them scoot closer. They always roll their eyes but do it anyway. I love that they think I'm an amazing cook even though I'm not. I want them to know when they help me cook and clean it takes 5 times as long and usually ends up worse than when we started, but I do it because I love to see how sweet their little proud faces are when we're done. I love the little notes Summer leaves me around the house and the pictures Forrest draws of me in school. I love that whenever they do something they think is great, they can't wait to show me and I always try my best to make it a big deal. I love sneaking into their beds at night to give them kisses while they sleep. I love all of these little things and I feel panicked as to how fast they are growing up. As a mother, I've come a long way from those days when Summer was an infant and I can honestly say that I do "like this" thing called motherhood. Actually, I love it and that's the truth. More than anything, I just hope that my kids know that their mom loves them. I am constantly telling them but I hope most, is that my actions are letting them FEEL how much those words that I whisper in their ears, are true. I really, really loved, love and will continue to love them... forever.

Love

I love this picture - grainy and all.

It was a candid moment from my iPhone. We were trying to take a picture of all of us... and then Forrest said something funny and we all lost it. I love my kids so much.

Lego Birthday Party

For his 6th birthday Forrest wanted a Lego party. We had his party this past Saturday. As much as I love to throw little parties for my kids this one completely stressed me out to begin with but as soon as I got my bearings it ended up being a lot of fun. All the stores I went to had NOTHING with the party Lego theme so I knew I had to think out of the box. I put little mason jars filled with crayons so that kids could color their own Lego person and lego blocks for them to play with while the other kids were arriving. I knew from the very beginning that since it was going to be in our backyard I had to set up the party table on the deck. I found these party hats, streamers, napkins and plates of Lego colors at Target. The kids played games: Lego bingo, Lego relay race, tug-of-war, find the Lego man (David hid them all over in the backyard), and guess how many Legos are in the jar. Every one went home with their own personalized Lego shirt. It was so simple, and so fun. Forrest had only one other wish for his party. A green (yes he was very specific) Lego block piñata. I made it in one evening using whatever we had in the garage. It took the kids at least three rounds to finally break it apart.
These are a few of Forrest's friends. I am so happy he has such a sweet circle of friends to grow up with. He talks about these little friends constantly. I'm hoping no one moves away and that they will be friends for a long, long time. Later that night, Forrest kept saying, "this is the best birthday ever." It was perfect. Man, I love this little boy. He is hilarious and sweet and smart. A total keeper.

Dear Forrest,

Happy 6th Birthday! I love you, my sweet little boy.

xoxo,
Mama

Love

Love just isn't a strong enough word for the way I feel about these two. I am so blessed to have these 2 calling me mommy. They're growing up faster than I would like. I literally sometimes feel a panic come over me that it's all just going by too quickly. Things have changed a lot in the past year. They're getting older and are at school longer and have activities. Gone are the days of me just hanging out at home with my babies. I miss that A LOT. Nighttimes are filled with gymnastics, swimming and homework assignments. I used to be able to just play with them all day and then I could write about it here on this blog. I've been terrible at baby books and so this blog is where I can log my memories of my kids at all of the different stages they have been in. I still get to play with them but finding the time to write about it is getting more and more scarce. I think of all of the things I love about them daily and don't want to forget. Today I decided to write my top 4 favorite things about the Schultz kids right now. I could just bottle them up right now just as they are. They make me happy and I love them more than they'll ever know.

Summer and Forrest - my hope is that one day when you're older you'll read my words and know that your mom loved and adored you - from the beginning.

Forrest
Top 4 things I'm loving about you right now:

~I LOVE your imagination. It's incredibly amazing. Whenever you see something in the recycling bin that can be changed into a toy you go for it. You made a shield from a pizza cardboard box that was left in the bin last week. I never stop you from digging out the recycling bin even if it means hoarding all of the toilet paper rolls.

~I love how you spot me walking to the crosswalk at school and then you run to me as fast as you can. It's our routine. We get about 20 minutes of time just the two of us while we wait for Summer's turn for pick up. It's my highlight too.

~I love how you get so excited about how you're growing up. You often yell to me to watch you ride your bike and make sure that I am watching you doing some cool tricks on the driveway.

~I love how you always like to play with my shirt while I'm brushing your teeth every morning and night. As silly as this may be but you love it and how can I say no to that? You're fascinated with the buttons and zippers and it's just too cute.

Summer
Top 4 things I'm loving about you right now:

~I love your sweet notes you leave me all over the house - it's pretty cute. No matter how small or big, I keep each one of them in a box.

~I love how you pretend to limp around the house with your makeshift crutches (a small broom and a tree branch) and play doctor. You never tire of it.

~I love how before bed every night you ask, "mama, massage my back, please?" You always get so excited and say, "Yay!" when I say yes.

~I love how much you love to read. Every time you find me reading in my room, you always hop into bed with me with your book. Right now you love to read "The Magic Tree House" chapter books and can read the whole book in one night.

Sleepover

Last night Summer had her first sleepover. She had her friend, Bree, over at our house right after school. I know, it's a bit late when you're almost eight but that was our fault. We couldn't have friends over spending the night until our kitchen was officially a "working kitchen". All the appliances and sink had to be hooked up and all the tools put away in the garage. We still have a long way to go before it's completed as you can see in the pictures. Well, last week I told Summer that she could invite a friend over. Summer was thrilled. She could not stop talking about it all week.

Bree is one of Summer's dear friends. They both have been in the same class for three years and the highlight of her month is going to Saddle Club with Bree. It is one of the sweetest and cutest things to watch them develop friendship. They go from their entire world consisting of just mom and dad and siblings to discovering independence and fun away from us.

This morning the girls decided to do a spa and painted their nails. I wanted to take this picture so as time goes on it will be a fun memory for Summer. She had the time of her life. I am so happy she has such a sweet little friend to grow up with.

My Forrest

I can't begin to explain how much I love my Forrest. He's growing up before my eyes and it's fun. In less than a month he will be turning six. I just can't believe it. He is still just as sweet as ever. I really don't think that will ever change. He is a good and sweet boy to his core. I took this picture of him this evening. I was in the kitchen making dinner and saw Forrest through the window running in the backyard with a huge smile on his face while flapping his arms up and down. It was so darn cute that I made him let me take his picture. I wanted to remember him just like this forever. It feels like I'm living with little cartoon characters every day. The best!

p.s. please don't ever grow up, Forrest.

Easter Best

Before hopping into the car for church, I made the kids pose in front of our front door in their new easter outfits. I can't even count the number of pictures I have taken of the kids in front of this door over the years. Looking at this picture, I am struck by how grown-up they are looking. I think of myself with two little ones but there's not a little one in sight in this picture! Where is the time going? I love these two more than I ever imagined I could love anything or anyone. It really is unreal the amount of love you have for your kids. The second picture is so sweet to me. Although it looks like Summer is pointing to the sky, there is a tree in front of the yard where they spotted a little bird. It was so cute how Summer wanted to make sure her little brother could see that little bird before we headed out. I want to freeze them just like this.

Easter Morning

The kids were so adorable when they woke us up to go downstairs on Easter morning. They were in their Easter jammies and I couldn't get over their cuteness. The carrots and water they left for the Easter Bunny were gone. He really had been at our house! The baskets were super simple and the kids LOVED them. The big hit was each got their own roll of patterned duct tape. Very exciting. Summer left a note by her basket before going to bed with instructions that she did NOT want any bubbles (she thinks it's for little kids). So Forrest did get bubbles and Summer did not. Phew! Foil wrapped chocolate, a few bouncy balls, watercolor paint set and stickers and the kids were thrilled. We had the egg hunt in our backyard. It is so darn cute watching them. I got them little green felt baskets a few years back for our egg hunt and now it's a tradition. They love those little things. It was such a simple and fun morning. Happy Easter!

Hoppy Day

We had a really nice day today. The Easter Bunny did not disappoint this year. The kids woke up to LOTS of chocolate and an Easter Egg hunt. After church we had two of our dear friends over for Easter Dinner. I took lots of pictures but am just too tired to even look at them right now - except for this sweet little one I saw of Forrest. Here he is in his new Easter outfit this afternoon. He says its not complete without his bow tie. Adorable. I was walking up to see why the front door was open and there he was watering the plants. The sweetest.